Cormac McLaggen

Went out today and did a little shopping. How old do you think that a boy has to be before he can have his first Beater's bat? Eighteen Months? There's one that's a rattle too for when he's a bit younger.

Got you something too Ets. Smith, sadly, for you I have nothing.

My parents are having a massive Hogmanay party at their flat in Glasgow for anyone who's interested in going. Lots to drink, live music, and at midnight we go up on the terrace on the roof and watch the Muggle fireworks in George Square. There won't be a bonfire though, not unless Uncle Tiberius is really in his cups.

Smith, you'd better come along. We went to see you in that wretched musical the other night.

You can bring Vane as long as you promise not to kill her in front of my parents.

Christmas was quiet. Went over to the family's, opened presents. Marietta liked hers. I liked mine. All good things.

( Hexed against Marietta and any girl he has ever slept with. )

I could totally move to Thailand. Of course I suppose at some point I'd have to learn another language which would be tiresome. Translation charms only go so far.

Everyone is getting coconut bras, folk art, or chiles for Christmas this year. Smith, I'm getting you something special. My dog better still be alive. Who cares about Cho?

( Private to Smith )

( Private )

Thailand is brilliant. Thanks for the suggestion whoever made it. Nice beaches, food, the honeymoon hijinks aren't bad either. And to the fucker that crashed my wedding, I'm not paying to have blood cleaned out of the tablecloths at the Circe.

( Smith )

Work has been brilliant of late. In fact, everything has been brilliant of late.

My mother has finally announced to the world that she is, indeed, expecting a new child, and so I can come forth and say that I am not going to babysit.

That is what Nannies are for.

( Private )

In case any of you haven't heard, I'm getting married to the beautiful and charming Marietta Edgecombe. We're planning the wedding for the end of this month, yes, it's sudden, but it would be ridiculous to deny our feelings and wait any longer.

( Private to Roger )

( Private to Katie )

Anyone have any good suggestions for Honeymoon destinations?

( Private to Smith )

FUCK. FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK?!

( Private )

I like women. Especially ones with nice tits and a gorgeous arse. That is all.

Does anyone know a good animal healer? I need to take Killer in for his checkup.

That being said, St. Mungo's can bite my fucking arse. Incompetent morons. My mother went in for a checkup today and they told her she has to come back in for tests. There is nothing wrong with her other than some minor dizzy spells as a result of this flu she's had.

And then she was so upset by the entire experience once they'd spoken with her, she burst into tears and told me not to tell my father.

Women. Idiots. If they make her have a nervous breakdown they are so hearing from our lawyer.

On the plus side, I have plans with a gorgeous girl this weekend.

That bird in Portkey regulation with the big tits? She doesn't wear knickers. Got an up close and personal look at that the other day when she was bending over to do some filing. Of course, she doesn't exactly keep herself neat and tidy either, so it was a let down considering the rest of her. Nothing as unappetizing as twigs amongst the berries.

Managed tickets for the Bats game coming up. As if that was hard. They are so going to tank this year. I can feel it. It doesn't help that they have such a completely shite, green lineup. Even worse will be the Prides. now that they signed Potter.

Going to be working on a special project at work for the Wizengamot. Naturally they asked me because of my expertise in Accidental Magic and Charms. Too bad there's no one in their department they can depend on. I'm going to be working with one of the few people there who's as dedicated as I am.

( You know who you are. High fivin, talking shit, but you're going home alone aren't ya? )